The Ruby Slippers (One-shot, complete)
by I hate the snow
Summary: Eugene leads the way to find a cure. Maybe not. Parody, just for fun.


Rick, Michonne, Abe, and Eugene left the safety of the Alexandria Safe Zone in order to find the cure Eugene promised. Deanna supplied them with a small bag filled with bottles of water and food, including power bars and popcorn.

They navigated the streets, littered with abandoned cars and bodies of re-killed walkers.

"I do believe we have ten miles to go, then a left." The mullet wearing man stated.

"No, look here at the map. The National Institute of Health is twenty miles in the other direction." Rick replied.

"I do believe I asked you for your trust in this matter." He looked back at Michonne and said "love the hair, my sista. Rock the hairstyle."

He was met by stony silence as Michonne wondered how someone could be such a dumbass.

xxxxx

"I do believe we're here."

"What? Eugene the Smithsonian is a museum." Rick snapped.

"I do believe Al Capone is here. Your buddy Shane knows who he is….in that movie."

"This isn't a movie, mullet. You said you knew of a cure." Abe scolded, as Rick pinched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb.

xxxxx

Unbeknownst to the survivors, a small group of walkers, who hid in different vehicles in order to get from Georgia to Washington, followed them into the building. The walkers remained silent, and intentionally followed the humans from room to room.

xxxxx

"I do believe we're just about there."

"Mullet, what are you talking about? The is the television historical wing. I doubt we'll find a cure with Fonzie's jacket." Michonne hissed.

"I do believe I said I knew of a solution, not a cure. And there's the Dukes of Hazzard car." He pointed, to the chagrin of the three.

They arrived at the destination…the protected display of the beautiful red ruby slippers, made famous by The Wizard of Oz.

"I do believe this is it."

"Mullet. This is a pair of shoes." Michonne snapped. "You're tap dancing on my last neve."

"Not just shoes, but I do believe a special type of shoes. And the Fred Astaire famous tap shoes aren't in this museum, I do believe."

"God, Mullet, how many times can you say 'shoes' in one sentence."

"I do believe that was three. Now, Rick, if you don't mind, may I use your hatchet?"

The officer, who really hoped this day trip would be over soon so he could go back to Alexandria and make Michonne scream for Jesus again, handed over the weapon.

"I do believe a thank you is in order." Eugene smiled, as he used the tool to break the glass. He removed the shoes from their case and put them on the floor in front of the officer.

"Well, I do believe you know the drill."

"Are you kidding me? We've come all the way for this? We don't have time for a joke."

"I do believe this is not a joke. You've seen the movie, and you know what to do."

Rick shrugged off the backpack and placed it on the floor.

xxxxx

The three walkers, who were following the survivors around, stood and watched the show.

xxxxx

Rick placed his hand on Michonne's shoulder to maintain his balance as he toed off his boots. The wave of stank that arose from the boots hit Abe's nasal passages and the Marine passed out.

The officer slipped on the ruby slippers and, at Eugene's urging, clicked the heels together three times and repeated "there's no place like home…there's no place like home…there's no place like home."

After a few moments he opened his baby blue eyes and…

…nothing changed.

"Well, I do believe that was a mistake. I'm out of ideas."

xxxxx

The walkers grunted in laughter as they watched Rick, still wearing the ruby slippers and waving the hatchet, chased Eugene around the small room. Michonne was chasing after Rick, asking why he was still wearing the fancy footwear.

One of the walkers used what was left of his arm to elbow his friend, causing the other walker's arm to fall out of its shoulder.

"Uuh…huhh…huhhh?" _"Dude…dafuq?"_

The three walkers shuffled to a bench in the middle of the fray and took a much needed rest. One retrieved Rick's backpack and tried to open it, grunting in pain and sorrow as he lost three fingers.

"Grrrr..uhhhh…grrr…" _"I can't wait to kick his ass."_

"Nuhhh. Nughhhhh uehhhh urrrr.." _"I know Gerald, you've been waiting to get back at Rick for killing Tomas. We get it. Chill. This is fun."_

It took Walker Gerry and Walker William five minutes to open the bag of popcorn and start eating.

"nunnnnn…errr….grrrrrr…ugggg…." _"Yes, Theodore, you've made it clear you have the munchies. We'll hit the Circle K after this."_

" ..grrrr!" _"Chill out, William." Walker Theodore snapped._

xxxxx

Abe regained consciousness and watched as Rick was still chasing Eugene around the large room, waving his hatchet, and Michonne chasing the officer while still telling him to take off the damn ruby slippers.

The redhead turned his head and couldn't believe that he was watching three walkers, all sitting on a bench, eating their popcorn and drinking their water. The undigested food and water came out of their stomachs as soon as they swallowed.

xxxxx

Ben Stiller arrived with a few porn stars and yelled at everyone to leave so he should film "Night at the Museum, After Dark.

"What did you do to the ruby slippers?" He screeched.

Rick took a break from chasing Eugene around and explained the situation to the man.

"What are you talking about? We're not in a zombie apocalypse! Zombies don't exist."

The men looked as the three walkers started crying, their feeling deeply hurt.

"So what the fuck have we been doing for the past two years?" Rick screamed. He lunged forward to the new man but tripped over his boots. He fell face first onto the hard floor and was knocked unconscious.

xxxxx

The monitors were beeping, keeping a steady rhythm. Rick gasped as he opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Lori leaning back against the wall and Shane hammering into her.

"What the fuck?" He heard his wife say.

"Shit, not this again." Rick screamed.


End file.
